By the Time They’d Called Her for Lunch It Was Almost Dinnertime

Meet Rhoshandiatellyneshiaunneveshenk Koyaanisquatsiuth Williams.

According to Guiness World Book of Records, the longest name to appear on a birth certificate is Rhoshandiatellyneshiaunneveshenk Koyaanisquatsiuth Williams. She was born on September 12, 1984, to Mr. and Mrs. James Williams of Beaumont, Texas. Guiness notes, "Three weeks later Mr. Williams filed an amendment that expanded his daughter’s first name to 1,019 letters and he added thirty-six letters to her middle name.” Part of her middle name was given to her by her aunt; Koyaanisquatsi does mean "life out of balance". Rhoshandia, et. al. goes by Phyllis (Okay, I made this part up).

Her father later amended his daughter's name to:

Rhodawaktanannacaramellicadayshatunthunduishimotrincorvetticamelonporchettadawantachevrolettaredmondicaphillad
elpharazinnaphinneloppiarhoshandiatellyneshiaunneveshenk Koyaanisquatsiuth-Darshekkiakaroqodish Williams

What a dad.  What father doesn't want the best for his daughter? I mean think about the blessing of having a unique name! Why, she'd need five birthday cakes to fit her complete name. What a sweet deal!

And imagine his little girl's wedding ceremony:

Pastor: Do you Rhodawaktanannacaramellicaday...[pauses for deep breath] shatunthunduishimotrincorvetticamelonporch...[pauses as he unscrolls the paper in which her name is written on] ettadawantachevrolettaredmondicaphillad...[stifles yawn due to oxygen deprivation] elpharazinnaphinnel...[slows down to get the enunciation correct] oppiarhoshandiatelly...[pauses to put on the oxygen mask] neshiaunneveshenk take Billy Bob to be your lawfully wedded husband?

Rhoda...: I do.

Pastor: Do you Billy Bob take [takes deep breath again] Rhodawaktananna...[signals to youth pastor to bring in the replacement O2 tank] caramellicadayshatunthunduishi...[steadies himself on the pulpit] shatunthunduishimotrincorvetticamelonporchettadawanta...[shudders in a paroxysmal swoon] chevrolettaredmondicaphilladelpharazinnaphinnel...[props himself up on pulpit ] oppiarhoshandiatellyneshiaunneveshenk to be your lawfully wedded wife?

Billy Bob: Ah do.

Youth Pastor: You may kiss the bride! [begins to administer CPR on passed out pastor on floor]

Cue in the 5-tier, double-wide wedding cake. Now, that'll be a wedding to remember!

Too Tall Texans

For the road lovin' kind, here's a little (pardon the pun) trail to take if y'all are ever out in West Texas. Lookee here at these fine Texas roadtrip specimens...

Tex Randall
Canyon, Texas's "Tex Randall" stands at 47 feet tall and weighs 7 tons (must be from all the brisket). He's been a Canyon resident since 1959. A long period of deterioration was worsened when a semi crashed into his left boot, and the cigarette, which he held in his left hand, was shot out of his hand like a heat-seeking missile and plum impaled a green love bug, making it look like the proverbial olive in the martini drink (I made up this last part, but it sounds about right, don't it?). The boots, by the way, are Tony Lamas.

Address:

N. 3rd Ave., Canyon, TX

Directions:

Just south of US 60 and just west of N. 15th St., on the southeast corner of N. 3rd Ave. and N. 14th St.

Golden Tornadoes Cheerleader
Not to be outdone, the women folk have one of their own in Lamesa, TX. Standing tall outside a store on Highway 87 in downtown Lamesa, TX. She's about 20 feet tall and we're not about to talk about her weight being women are a tad touchy about this. She wears the cheerleader outfit for the Lamesa High School, the Golden Tornadoes. Originally, she stood taller at 22 ft because of her bouffant, but with the changing times come the change in coiffure. At the moment, she still clings to her 1960s flip hairdo like a bitter divorcee out of The Last Picture Show. The high heels are a fine touch. Must've bought them at that Prada store down in Marfa.

Address:
310 S Dallas Ave., Lamesa, TX

 

Directions:

In downtown Lamesa, TX, on Business 87. In front of the Reid Bethel Tire Company.

Jack Ben Rabbit
Don't worry animal lovers, We got something for everyone in Texas! Even wascally wabbits! Built in the 1960s, he's eight feet tall and is named "Jack Ben Rabbit." The carrot-vore is located in front of the Ector County Independent School District Administration Building in downtown Odessa. The plaque there includes a recipe for Jackrabbit and Dumplings. And, it's PETA approved!

Address:
N Sam Houston Ave., Odessa, TX

 

Directions:

North of I-20 in downtown Odessa at W. 8th St. and N. Sam Houston Ave.
(P.S., That's not my kid)


On a side note for you book worms, Thalia, Texas is in this neck of the woods and is the place in several of Larry McMurtry's novels. His home town is Archer City, 80 miles from Thalia.

Now, who says Texas ain't inclusive!

One State Under God

"A license plate that declares Texas "One State Under God" went on sale this week, despite an outcry from critics who say government tags shouldn't be endorsing religion."

"The license plate, which was narrowly approved in December by the governing board at the state's Department of Motor Vehicles, also features the words and image of the Crosses at Calvary, the site where the Crucifixion of Jesus is said to have occurred. Each plate costs $55, with some proceeds going to a group that works with underprivileged children."

As expected, upon the announcement of the tags, the liberals whined, groaned & complained about separation of church and state, blah-blah. Well, they can always exchange their Texas plates for California ones. I hear people over there are leaving in droves and moving, guess where? Yep, to Texas.

Sigh...If only I got a dollar every time the libs howled when things didn't go their way, I'd be a gigozillionaire by now. No, wait, after Obama's tax rate, I'd just be a little ol' millionaire.

Only In Texas

    This here is called a Cow Wash. In Texas, horns are found in the steering wheel, on the hood 

    and in the trailer.



     ...For the harried and hurried commuter, there's nothing like one stop shopping...

    ...If you look closely, the white bricked section of the mail box is a real clip.

He Got A Reduced Sentence for Aggravated Stupidity

DALLAS (AP) – A Dallas bank robber who abided by a teller’s request to provide two forms of identification before she could give him money is going to prison.


A federal judge Tuesday sentenced 49-year-old Nathan Wayne Pugh to more than eight years. Prosecutors say Pugh last July 2011, while on parole for two aggravated robberies, robbed a Wells Fargo Bank.

U.S. Distinct Judge Sam A. Lindsay sentenced Pugh, 49, to 102 months at a hearing today in a Dallas federal courtroom.


In the Dallas holdup, Pugh walked into the Wells Fargo Bank, 4332 Lemon Ave. in Dallas, on July 26 with a fast-food restaurant bag, according to federal documents.


Pugh handed a teller a note when the teller asked him how much he wanted to withdraw. The note had this message:


“Look if you don’t want to die then you should do as this note says. This is not a bag of food. This is a bom, so just put money in an envelope and do not make any move till after I have left for ten mintis.”


The calm teller then demanded two pieces of identification from Pugh, according to the documents. Pugh showed her his Wells Fargo debit card and a Texas identification card with his name on it.


He was arrested when he tried to take a female customer with a child in her arms hostage...

Yes, because the woman stalled for time by asking him to show proof that he was a licensed child care worker.

Springtime in the Southland

With winter at its end and spring just around the corner, I thought I'd introduce y'all to a little slice of heaven that makes Texas the Promised Land and a sportman's paradise. The Hill Country is west of San Antonio and you can get there by taking Interstate 10, Highway 90 or various other state two-laners, which is my personal favorite way because it allows a slower pace and plenty of stops to admire the scenery and smell the proverbial roses. Please enjoy the pictures!

   The Westcave Preserve in southwest Travis County 

    Hill Country, Texas after a spring shower 

     Hill Country, Texas 

    Ennis, Texas


Finally, I couldn't help myself. I just had to put in a picture of BBQin' Texas-style. When the wind's just right, you'll catch a whiff of the heavenly delight of smokin' meat. If you're visiting the Hill Country, this is definitely one place to stop and lick your chops!

The Salt Lick
18001 Farm-to-Market 1826
Driftwood, TX  78619
(512) 858-4959

Web Site: The Salt Lick

 

 

 

Watch Where You Step!

The Western Diamondback Rattlesnake

There's a Texas tale about the rattlesnake that goes something like this: A Texas cowboy, with a very fine pair of embroidered and silvered boots, was bitten by a rattlesnake when courting a lovely young frontier damsel. He dies and leaves the treasured boots to a friend who then falls in love with the same girl. One day, he pulled on the beautiful boots in order to impress her. He immediately sickens and falls dead, leaving the boots, yet again, to a third cowboy. In time, this fellow also falls for the young girl and decides to wear the ill-fated boots to go courting. The end result is the same, the cowboy falls over dead. Just as folks begin to suspect the girl of being a femme fatale, having some strange deadly effect on her suitors, it's discovered that in one of the boots there's a rattlesnake fang still embedded inside.


The fear of the rattler is understandable and expected. You'd how to be a fool to not show any respect toward this reptile. Heck, it even gives you advanced warning when you go poking around its homestead. It's said that the Western Diamondback Rattlesnake accounts for the most fatalities in North America. Another interesting tidbit of trivia is that this snake isn’t an endangered species. In fact, if the rattler's fang is detached or broken off from its mouth, it's still DANGEROUS. Don't go near it or poking around it! Yeah, I'm talking to my redneck brethren out there.

The venom is primarily hemotoxic, which means that it mainly affects blood vessels, blood cells and the heart. The venom is a digestive aid for the snake, tends to liquify and breakdown the complex protein structures of the animal it engorged. With digestive juices like that, who needs venom?!

Some symptoms of a rattlesnake bige include excessive bleeding, tissue necrosis (the affected area blackens & dies), swelling, edema and intense pain.

To illustrate the last point, I've added a picture of someone with a snakebite to the foot.

Oh, there are worse pictures, but I chose this mild one because of the women and chilluns who might come across this blog.

So, please be careful where step, so to speak. They could be found almost anywhere: under rocks, in brush, abandoned cars, cozying up around the garden hose (really!), in the dog house (which would explain Fido's exaggerated fear of enclosed spaces) along with other uncommon places, including your local honky-tonk (okay, now I'm writing about another kind of snake).

Don't say I didn't warn you!